We ran up and down Stuyvesant. We tested every water fountain in the building (except the ones in the gymnasiums). We gargled down water of various flavors: citrus, paper-bag, boiled-water-left-out-in-a-Styrofoam-cup. We taste-tested water from each fountain throughout the day, noting taste, texture and temperature. We suggest you clip this out and keep it in your pocket, so that when you have a dry throat or are looking for a sip of crisp, cold water, you know where to go.
How to read the map: each floor, except the first one, has two main water “stations”: one by the east side staircase and another by the west side staircase. In general, the fountains on the east side have colder water than those on the west.
East (00’s)
10th Fl. The tall fountain is generally uncomfortable to drink from—unless you like kissing metal—because of the low water pressure. In the morning, the water is cold and tasty. By the end of the day, though, it tastes like lemonade gone horribly wrong.
Like most short fountains in the school, the one here has warmer water than that of the tall fountain next to it. The water tastes like a paper bag with scraps of rust. Its quality of flavor peaks around noon, when it tastes like stream water.
9th Fl. The fountains on this floor earn the title of having the worst water in the upper half of the school. Drinking this water is like licking a freshly painted door. The water is an unpleasant combination of tepidness and a bitter, citric flavor.
8th Fl. Like cold water packed with minerals? Try this tall fountain here. Then spit. Try the short one. Spit again. Yummy.
7th Fl. Strangely enough, there’s only one fountain (a tall one) here. The water tastes expired, like when you boil water and leave it in a Styrofoam cup for too long. At least you can find comfort in its consistency—it stays lukewarm all day.
6th Fl. If you’ve got time, stick around. The water gets colder the longer you drink it—at least, the water from the taller fountain anyway. It’s cold enough so you can forget about the paper-bag taste, but warms up by 10th period.
5th Fl. This might just be the best water on the first five floors. It’s very cold throughout the day, and tastes almost like bottled water.
4th Fl. The eastside fountain water is definitely tastier. It is very cold early morning, and warms up slightly in the afternoon. It tastes just like filtered tap water—or a valiant attempt at filtered water.
3rd Fl. The water here isn’t as cold as the water from the west side fountain, both in the mornings and in the afternoons. It leaves an unpleasant aftertaste as well.
1st Fl. One of the least used water fountains in the school, it provides crisp, cold water early in the day. The water warms up a fraction in the afternoon, but the first floor fountains still serve as a nice spot for a quick drink if you’re running late to chorus.
West (30’s)
10th Fl. Like most other fountains higher up in the building, the tall fountain provides refreshingly cold water in the morning but spouts lukewarm, badly flavored water in the afternoon. Stick to the tall fountain, as its water is significantly tastier than that of the short fountain.
8th Fl. You may have to lean in a bit (or a lot, depending on your height) to drink the metallic water from this tall fountain in the morning. Cool early in the day, the water here has a metallic taste. The short fountain’s water tastes less metallic, but is warmer. Noon is the best time to get a sip: the pressure is good and the water is cold and tasty. By 10th period, the fountains revert back to a 10-degree trajectory.
7th Fl. These fountains aren’t morning folks—both spew out lukewarm water at the wake of the day. By noon, the water is cold and no longer tastes as if you were drinking it out of a banana peel. At the end of the day, it retains its normal flavor but requires more than a peck on the spout to get it in your mouth.
6th Fl. See box above—these fountains follow a similar pattern of hot and cold. The only difference is that the flow of water from the short fountain here is literally nonexistent at the end of the day. What taste the short fountain water has at this point is a mystery.
5th Fl. The fifth floor is perfect for a sip of water. Though warmer than that of some lower-floor fountains, it certainly beats the grainy water from fountain directly below it. The best part is it leaves no aftertaste.
4th Fl. The fourth floor isn’t much better than the third. The water is tepid and has a slightly grainy texture.
3rd Fl. Avoid this water fountain at all costs. At first gulp, the water here tastes unfiltered and just plain disgusting. It’s definitely not a prime choice for your hydration needs.
2nd Fl. The fountains on this floor get congested in the afternoon, but if you want that fresh-from-the-tap taste, brave the crowds and quench your thirst.
