Linsanity has reached the classrooms of Stuyvesant High School in unprecedented levels after Jeremy Lin announced that he would be teaching Economics in the spring. According to reliable sources, following his acceptance to be guest speaker for the graduating class of 2012, the New York Knicks phenomenon requested a job at Stuyvesant. Lin demanded his pay match that of his minimum earnings under his current Knicks contract.
Despite recent budget cuts, Principal Stanley Teitel was delighted to pay $800,000, and appoint Lin as an Economics teacher for the spring term. “Having Lin teach here is lincredble!” Teitel said. “It’s not just that he graduated from Harvard with an economics degree. He can teach anything from LINear Algebra, to LINglish, to LINvironmental Science. Now that’s what I call taLINt. LIN your face, BrookLIN Tech for not thinking of this sooner.”
In order to pay Lin and address the high demand for Lin as an Economics teacher, Assistant Principal Social Studies Jennifer Suri has already notified all of her teachers that they’ll be let go at the end of the school year. Lin will be teaching eleven sections of Economics next year.
During Lin’s first appearance at Stuyvesant a mob of people clad in Knicks merchandise had to be restrained by the school safety agents. The majority of the crowd was found to be middle-aged Asian mothers. Many parents have been inspired by Lin’s academic accomplishments, “Thanks to Lin, I’ve realized the flaws in my ways. I will now be enrolling my children in prep classes three years earlier, at age four now,” said Lisa Chen, mother of junior Niki Chen. Lin admits that with plenty of things to look forward to in the upcoming months, staying focused will be harder than ever. “In addition to all of the games and the classes I have to teach, I have to also take care of my body,” Lin said. “I’ve been told that I have the legs of a gazelle, and it’s just so stressful to look after these gorgeous gams.”