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Library Book Checked Out
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* In an innovative new use of the sixth floor Dr. Robert Ira Lewy Multimedia Center—archaically referred to by some as the “library”—sophomore Joshua Rhee removed a book from the musky stacks of shelves and brought it home in a process [...]
Student Union Launches Innovative Agenda
Every year, the Stuyvesant Student Union (SU) promises to begin its work of aiding and organizing students immediately. Although this year’s SU was unable to convene as a group before the start of school, it has been proactive since classes began. The primary obstacle to working over the summer was bureaucratic red tape. “SU members [...]
Former Music Teacher Arrested in Undercover Weapons Sting
A former Stuyvesant High School Music teacher was arrested on charges of illegal gun sales, tax evasion, conspiracy in the fourth degree, criminal possession and sale of marijuana, and money laundering on Tuesday, September 14, according to legal documents obtained by The Spectator from the Bronx County District Attorney’s office. The former teacher, Theophillis Burroughs, [...]
DOE Budget Cuts Kill Tenth Period
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* Due to an obscure clause in the new Department of Education budget regulations that requires schools to pay for the use of their buildings after the end of the instructional day, Stuyvesant High School is now shutting its doors at [...]
Stuyvesant Accused of Defrauding Federal Government
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* According to an article from the New York Daily News on Thursday, September 23, Stuyvesant High School is now officially under indictment from the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office amid accusations that the school has falsified employment records in an elaborate [...]
Stuyvesant Web site Wins Design Award
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* In a stunning announcement from the American Design Award Foundation, the Stuyvesant High School Web site (www.stuy.edu) has received the prestigious graphic “Golden Backslash” award for excellence and innovation in web design. The Stuyvesant site was widely considered to be [...]
News-in-Brief: All Student Lockers Assigned
This school year, all lockers were assigned to students by the administration. It is the first time in three years that neither juniors nor sophomores have been able to choose their lockers. According to Principal Stanley Teitel, the administration decided to do so in the spring of last year at the suggestion of Technology Coordinator [...]
SU President Paul Lee Suspends Elections, Declares Himself Emperor
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* In the greatest blow yet to Stuyvesant’s student government, senior and Student Union (SU) President Paul Lee has suspended the upcoming elections and declared himself “Emperor of All [he] Survey[s].” The Spectator regrets the extraneous printing of endorsements and candidate [...]
Robotics Team Robot: More Emotional Intelligence Than Team Itself
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* They said it couldn’t be done. On Thursday, June 3rd, a soft weeping sound could be heard emanating from the fourth floor back hallway. Unlike most days, the mournful cries were not those of a burned out teacher, a freshman [...]
Senior Sues To Bring Body-Pillow Girlfriend To Prom
*Disclaimer: Humor articles may be works of fiction. Quotes should be considered libel and slander.* Won Yung doesn’t look like your average civil rights crusader. A mere five feet tall, the senior stands literally in the shadow of Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman, whose crusade he is continuing to fight. Despite being a member of [...]
