April Fools 2012
Castrato Removed From Junior SING! Chorus
In its most recent purge of tal-ent from the student-run SING! production, the Stuyvesant administration has ejected a castrato from the performance. The student, who has participated in two prior SING! Productions, was found to be lacking some of the required body parts as set forth by the SING! Rulebook. According to Section 10, Article [...]
Administration Implements Required Drug Tests at Blood Drive
The Stuyvesant Red Cross announced last week that an estimated 80 percent of students were ineligible for donating blood at the most recent blood drive. Traditionally, students filled out questionnaires regarding drug use before donating blood. However, this year, the administration changed their policy. “After the shocking outcome of the cheating survey last month, we [...]
Teitel Cast in Pokémon Movie After Role in Soph-Frosh SING!
After a deeply moving performance as Pikachu in this year’s Soph-Frosh SING!, Principal Stanley Teitel was offered a multi-million dollar deal with DreamWorks Studios to star in their upcoming Pokémon movie titled “Poké-mon: Gotta Grade Them All.” Teitel first stunned audiences on Saturday, March 3, with his brief and “electrifying cameo,” Coordinator of Student Affairs [...]
Spectator Named Largest Shake Shack Coupon
After several weeks of intense scrutiny by a select panel of experts, The Spectator has been officially dubbed the “World’s Largest and Most Convoluted Shake Shack Coupon” by the Guinness Book of World Records. The findings were broadcast late last evening from Guinness headquarters in Orlando, Florida, directly to the Murray Kahn Theater, where a [...]
