Humor
High School Wrestlers Denied Chance to Someday Plow Each Other on World Stage
On Tuesday, February 12, the International Olympic Committee announced its plans to discontinue the long-held tradition of slamming unitard clad bodies against each other on a sweaty mat, a sport otherwise known as wrestling. The decision came after a secret ballot held at the official Olympic Headquarters, in which it was decided to replace wrestling [...]
Freedom of Information
In September, The Stuyvesant Spectator Editorial Board requested official documents regarding the Stuyvesant cheating scandal and the subsequent administrative response. We hoped to use these documents to uncover the truth behind conflicting claims that Principal Teitel violated protocol during the cheating scandal, and hopefully, clear his name. These are public documents under the Freedom of [...]
Re: New policy – No more using Stuy’s floors!
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL. IT HAS BEEN SENT FROM A ‘SEND ONLY’ MAILBOX This message is from Stuyvesant High School. – – – – – – – – – – – – – Dear STUDENT, Yesterday, the Center for Disease Control released a report stating that as of March 1, 2013 a [...]
Numbers: College Statistics
Number of Dreams Crushed (includes students, parents, and immediate family): 23,652 Number of Disappointed Parents: 1256 Number of College Counselors Fired: 3 Percent of Seniors Who Wish They Went to an Easier High School: 104%
SING! Debuts with Only One Performance, The Mystery of Under the Sea World
In the wake of major budget cuts, the administration has forced soph-frosh, juniors, and seniors to present their SING! performances concurrently on Saturday afternoon. Instead of attempting to come up with a new idea to accommodate the larger program, the SING! coordinators instead decided to combine the three productions into one, “The Mystery of Under [...]
Numbers: SING! After Party 2013
Number of students in attendance: 480 Number of coats lost: 230 Male to Female ratio: 24:1 Percentage of girls thinking about Mr. Park while hooking up: 31% Percentage of guys thinking about Mr. Park while hooking up: 62% Big Sibs In Attendance 134 Big Sib-Little Sib hookups: 152 Highest number of people in the bathroom [...]
Arrival of Korean Food Cart Escalates to International Warfare
A Korean food cart named “Gangnam Style,” after the hit K-pop single “Gangnam Style,” opened for business on Chambers Street a few weeks ago. It was situated just a few feet from the Halal cart Rafiqi’s, which has been a staple on Chambers Street for nearly a year. As the two carts fought for the [...]
Students Take AMC Exam
The popular cable television network AMC hosted an exam in high schools across the United States on Tuesday, February 5 and Wednesday, February 20. The network recently signed an agreement with the Mathematical Association of America (MAA) to change the American Mathematics Competitions (AMC) exam in order to spread awareness about their TV shows. Unfortunately, [...]
Stuyvesant Students All Have Imaginary Girlfriends
Stuyvesant High School, while unable to establish a prestigious football program, does have a few similarities to the world of elite college football. For instance, both expect to receive high rankings from major newspapers every year, and both would love to see reform of the Bowl Championship Series. Yet the similarities continue: it has recently [...]
Why We Really Need Guns
Beloved civil rights speaker Martin Luther King Jr. once said, “I have a dream that one day everyone will own a gun.” Some people think guns represent danger and violence. I think they represent the ethos of ’Murica. All over America, the liberal media has been fear-mongering over what they call “a growing epidemic of [...]
