Slander and Libel
SU President Paul Lee Suspends Elections, Declares Himself Emperor
In the greatest blow yet to Stuyvesant’s student government, senior and Student Union (SU) President Paul Lee has suspended the upcoming elections and declared himself “Emperor of All [he] Survey[s].” The Spectator regrets the extraneous printing of endorsements and candidate profiles. “These plebeians are not ready to govern themselves,” Lee said in a 30 minute [...]
Robotics Team Robot: More Emotional Intelligence Than Team Itself
They said it couldn’t be done. On Thursday, June 3rd, a soft weeping sound could be heard emanating from the fourth floor back hallway. Unlike most days, the mournful cries were not those of a burned out teacher, a freshman trapped inside a locker, or a junior informed of his SAT results. These tears were [...]
Senior Sues To Bring Body-Pillow Girlfriend To Prom
Won Yung doesn’t look like your average civil rights crusader. A mere five feet tall, the senior stands literally in the shadow of Rosa Parks and Harriet Tubman, whose crusade he is continuing to fight. Despite being a member of Stuyvesant High School’s 2200-student strong Asian majority, Yung has come into personal contact with a [...]
Graduation To Be Held In Teitel’s Backyard
Due to a second set of unfortunate circumstances, again “beyond the school’s control,” Senior Activities Advisor and Technical Drawing teacher James Lonardo announced in a message to students and parents that graduation would be moved once again — this time to the New City, New York, backyard of Principal Stanley Teitel. “After the Beacon Theater [...]
Senioritis Epidemic Detected
Like 2001’s spores of anthrax, the Senioritis plague of 2010 was spread via the Postal Service. Thick envelopes heralded its arrival, impervious to any efforts at inoculation. Seniors were caught unawares by the disease. “After I opened the infected envelope from Dartmouth, the onset of symptoms was nearly instantaneous,” senior Evan Smith said. “I felt [...]
Math Across The Curriculum
During a recent third period, sophomore Kevin Kim was sitting on the half floor reading a novel for English class when he realized that he just was not getting enough math. “I get that my humanities teachers are trying to teach me about ‘Europe’ or whatever, but that’s not what I came to Stuy for,” [...]
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