A Lesson in Truthiness
December 20th, 2006
I have a brief statement: The Spectator is destroying America.
As a closeted reader of your so-called newspaper, I feel it is my obligation to address your elitist Editorial Board’s denouncement of this school’s administration—I suppose it is now a crime to do a good job. No matter the situation, The Spectator has been adamant in its support of student rights. Your paper has attempted, in its bi-weekly tirades known as Staff Editorials, to impede the implementation of any school policy it deems unjust or dictatorial. As heroic as this sounds, I feel I must point out one unfortunate little detail to your little newspaper: your opinion doesn’t matter.
Over the course of this academic year, the administration has elected two COSAs, voided lunches because of overdue textbooks and banned electronic devices. It is also in the process of implementing a policy entailing teacher identification badges, full-time scanners and locker assignments. In the midst of this furious productivity, The Spectator has done just one thing: whine. Clearly, this so-called newspaper does not possess the capability to comprehend the actions of the administration. Allow me to explain.
At a school like Stuyvesant, where students are governed by little more than rap music and hormones, the administration understands that students do not possess the ability to make wise decisions. The administration has realized—as should your so-called newspaper—that if students made their own choices, anarchy would ensue. Hence, the implementation of these policies is not so much a pleasure as it is a legal obligation to prevent the school’s destruction.
Take, for instance, the COSA situation. While the administration was considering and selecting a COSA, The Spectator and the Student Union (the SU is Stuyvesant’s second forum for whining) expressed discontent with the method of selection as well as its longevity. The COSA’s responsibility is to act as a liaison between the students and the administration. Unfortunately for students, “liaison” is not French for babysitter. If an organization is unable to finish its work between 3:40 and 5:00 p.m., then it doesn’t deserve to exist. In spite of the opposition faced, the administration was gracious enough to install two COSAs in a position that only requires one person. Students got two for the price of one, and this supposedly dictatorial decision has proved to be more beneficial to the students than to the administration.
The three-pronged security plan is just as sensible as the COSA appointments, if not more so. Teachers need identification badges so as not to feel neglected by the administration. If students are given the privilege of possessing ID cards, then teachers surely should not be overlooked. At worst, scanners can help you remember your birthday, as the scanners will now be able to sing to you three times a day. Finally, locker assignments are the administration’s way of promoting health and hygiene: Do you really want to share a locker with your friend’s dirty gym clothes?
My dear hippy-loving Editorial Board, allow me to offer a few pieces of advice. First, acknowledge that the administration has the right to make decisions, and that you, as the press, have the right to type them up and print it. As you can see, this process eliminates the need for editorials and thereby satisfies everyone, namely me. The administration has more than done its share in trying to reach out to the student body. The rift that has come between the media and government must be resolved soon. This piece is a call for action. Until then, Editorial Board, you’re on notice.